A penny for my thoughts

     If I received a penny for every thought or journal entry I've made in these past dozen or so years, I would be a very rich woman.  I feel as though my blog here is a very small--an extremely tiny--window to my life.  In some way, this porthole of a blog and the images seen through its cloudy glass are somewhat distorted.

     I've created this blog with the hopes of sharing some of my life experiences in a somewhat entertaining, if not amusing, manner.  Deep down inside, however, I've also hoped that some of my more honest struggles as a mom, wife, woman, or whatever I represent to you, would somehow resonate with you in a way that enriches your life.  Ha ha.  I don't believe I am kidding anyone.

     My more honest struggles and darkest moments inadequacy and hopeless are saved for my handwritten journal.  The long lapses of silence on my blog are filled with pages and pages of handwritten thoughts.  I don't know why I'm so afraid to share these thoughts with you.  Well, now, actually I can think of several reasons off the top of my head:

• some of you know me and my family personally so sharing these struggles aren't so anonymous or so innocuous,
• many of my moments of despair involve other people in my life so to share about these things would involve extreme tactfulness and sensitivity (neither of which I have on a consistent basis),
• writing for a larger audience than "just myself" is very daunting and intimidating; I liken this why so many of us our shower singers rather than American Idol contestants,

and perhaps the biggest reason why my blog entries are more sporadic and infrequent than my journal entries is,

• well, I just don't want to feel judged 

     Anyway, I don't even know why I'm writing all this.  It's not like I'm promising to be more transparent about the things I write about, nor am I promising to blog more frequently.  I guess I just wanted to say that in the things I do write, I'll try to make my writing more representative of my life in the hopes that it would be an encouragement to some of you out there who may be experiencing similar things.

     Thanks for listening and reading.